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Following Boris Johnson’s catholic wedding, the church is making preparations for the twice-divorced, serial adulterer, prime-minister’s embracing of the Catholic faith.
A team of specially trained priests are nervously waiting for Mr Johnson’s confession, which is expected to last several weeks.
The Archbishop of Westminster explained more of the procedure. “It’s not just the priests, we also predict the requirement for PTSD counselling. So we have recruited psychologists who’ve treated veterans of Afghanistan, Iran and had meetings with Michael Gove”.
The confession will lead to the requirement for the PM to commit to penance. When this was explained to Mr Johnson he is reported to have said “I’ll get a donor to do that”.